


bertholdt fubar didn't sign up for this (yes he did)

by isengard



Series: The House On East 104th Street [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, HELLA DUMB, M/M, You've been warned, its a verse, ive lost control of my life, preslash, ranch dressing, so much ranch dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isengard/pseuds/isengard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bertholdt," Reiner says.  "Hold on for me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	bertholdt fubar didn't sign up for this (yes he did)

“Bertholdt,” Reiner says. “Hold on for me.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Bertholdt gasps, stumbling and almost tripping over Reiner's prone form on the bathroom floor. “What are you _doing_?” He flicks on the light, and Reiner groans.

“Fuck. That's bright.” Bertholdt isn't sure how he's discerning this, as his face is pressed very firmly into the bathmat around their toilet. “Warn a guy.”

“Reiner – ”

“That's you, Bertl, right?” A hand shoots out suddenly and latches around Bertholdt's leg. “Ah, yeah, I'd know those hairy ankles anywhere.” He doesn't let go, but says, “Go away. 'm sleeping.”

Bertholdt says, “Reiner, I have to take a shower.”

Reiner groans again.

“What the hell happened last night? I thought you were going to the library.”

Reiner says something, muffled against the bathmat, that sounds vaguely like, “Jaeger.”

“The person, or the – “

“Both,” Reiner says. He pushes up onto his elbows, but leaves his face mashed into the floor. “Ugh. Just leave me to die.”

“He went shot for shot with Eren after you went to bed,” Annie says from the doorway, startling Bertholdt all over again. “Jägerbombs. I tried to stop him.”

“Lies,” Reiner says.

Annie shrugs. “I thought about trying.”

“I literally think I'm dying,” Reiner says. “Avenge me, Bertholdt.”

Bertholdt turns to Annie. “Who won? Eren?”

She scoffs. “No. He fell in the fireplace after like, three. Mikasa kicked both their asses.” She pauses. “And, surprisingly, Marco.”

Bertholdt raises his eyebrows. “That is surprising.”

“Probably been hanging around you idiots too much,” she reasons. “I'm borrowing your computer charger.”

Nice of her to let him know, anyways. Bertholdt looks back at Reiner, who still hasn't moved. He's fully dressed, minus one sock, and has what appears to be a pizza crust jammed into his back pocket. For what has to be the one-billionth time in his life, Bertholdt wonders how on earth he could _possibly_ be attracted to this person. Probably some kind of long-term psychotic break is to blame.

“Reiner,” he says again. “I really need to shower.”

“Yeah you do,” Reiner mumbles. “I can smell you from here.”

“Your face is smashed against the toilet.”

“You know what,” Reiner says. He doesn't elaborate.

Bertholdt tries again. “Can't you just, like, shuffle into the hall? You're kind of taking up the whole bathroom.”

“Sorry, no can do. Dying. Final moments,” Reiner grunts.

“I'll move him,” Annie says, uncharacteristically chivalrous. “Get in the shower, Bert. You really do stink.”

“Um,” Bertholdt says. “Thanks, Annie.” He shrugs out of his t-shirt and boxers self-consciously, feeling exposed even though Annie's eyes are glued to her phone and Reiner's eyes are still closed against the light. The water hisses out, freezing at first, and Bertholdt bites back a yelp. Too late, he notices that Reiner threw up in the tub, and rubs away at the pink streaks with his foot, vowing to actually get the bleach out later and actually clean the bathroom like he's been meaning to for weeks.

The shower curtain is opaque, so he can't see what Annie's doing to get Reiner out of the bathroom, but it must be effective, because all he hears is Reiner say, “Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going, I'm going, _don't_ – ” and then the door to the bathroom bangs shut.

***

When he gets back to their room, Reiner's stripped out of his clothes and is sitting on Bertholdt's bed in his boxers, chewing the pizza crust. He brandishes it at Bertholdt when he walks in, grinning.

“Look what I found. Fuckin' herb-stuffed.” He rips off another chunk with his teeth. “Swanky-ass breakfast. Are we out of ranch?”

“Probably,” Bertholdt sighs, pushing his wet bangs out of his eyes. “You put most of it in a smoothie yesterday.”

Reiner narrows his eyes. “Hm. That does kind of sound like me.”

“I couldn't make it up if I tried,” Bertholdt says honestly. “Have you seen my deodorant?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, it's right here.” Reiner tosses it to him. “I was smelling it. It's really good.”

Bertholdt feels his face heat up as he catches the stick, caught off guard by Reiner's easy confession. “It's just the same one I've always had.”

“That's why I like it,” Reiner says, like it's obvious. “Smells like you.”

How can he just _say_ things like that? For a moment, Bertholdt's completely overwhelmed, the vision of Reiner lounging almost-naked on his bed like it's the most natural thing, the thought of Reiner catching his scent and sighing contentedly to himself, it's almost too much to bear. Bertholdt'd think he was being a tease, but that's not like Reiner, and he _knows_ Bertholdt, he wouldn't pull a prank so cruel on him, at least not intentionally.

Would he?

“Reiner,” Bertholdt says. He's still wearing a towel.

Reiner squints up at him, then lets out a thunderous belch.

And just like that, the magic is ruined. Relieved, Bertholdt decides to embrace his wild side and forego underwear, pulling on a pair of basketball shorts under his towel.

“What's up?” Reiner asks.

“Nothing.” Bertholdt rubs the towel vigorously over his hair. Reiner never lets these things go, so he adds, “You just said something weird when I walked into the bathroom, it was probably the hangover talking.”

“Mm,” Reiner acknowledges. “I actually had a dream about you. I remember now.”

Bertholdt's fingers stutter as he unfolds a pair of socks. “Really?”

“Yeah, it was weird.” Reiner leans back on his elbows, rolls his neck. “You were like, riding on my shoulders? And we were running.” He frowns. “And I was scared.”

“That is kind of scary. Me riding on your shoulders, I mean,” Bertholdt says. “Haven't done that since we were kids.”

“I think the cops were chasing us.”

Bertholdt says, “Haven't done _that_ since we were in high school.”

“God, I was really scared,” Reiner says. He sounds uneasy. “Man, fuck Jägerbombs. I'm taking an oath, right the fuck now. Bertl, write this down.”

Bertholdt makes no move to get a writing utensil, and Reiner doesn't wait for him to do so. “I, Reiner 'Blade' Braun, on this day, October the whatever-the-fuck, do solemnly vow to never drink Jägermeister _ever_ again. Because, fuck that shit.” He waves his hand in the air. “Sign and date, it's official.”

“Noted,” Bertholdt tells him. “Hey, I'm sorry you had a bad – ”

“Do you smell bacon?”

“Um.” Bertholdt sniffs the air. “Maybe?”

There's a bit of a commotion as Reiner stuffs his feet into slippers that are probably Connie's and charges down the stairs. Bertholdt hears Jean say, “Christ, Reiner, I haven't even put it in the pan yet – why are you _naked_?”

Another voice chirps, “Morning, Reiner!” Bertholdt recognizes Christa's voice, and he hates himself for the way his heart sinks ever so slightly. He pulls on a sweater, grabs a shirt and a pair of pants for Reiner, and heads downstairs, making his own private oath to ban all thoughts of deodorant and dreams from his mind for the rest of the day.

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a college, everyone's happy/no one dies/rampant homolust verse I write from time to time, a coping strategy basically you guys know how it goes. I have some more stuff that I'll flesh out and post eventually, thank god for aus or we'd never survive this series. <3 thanks for reading!


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